Disappointing Expectations
When’s the last time you were disappointed?
To be disappointed you only have to have an expectation. I’ve heard that the worst thing a parent can do to their child is to be disappointed in them (clearly an exaggeration). Yet what could be more natural than a parent having expectations for their child? Good parenting involves making it clear what you expect: no running with scissors, no hitting or biting, no cursing around grandma, etc.
In this day and age, most people also expect their children will be healthy and happy; that their growth will follow the generally accepted patterns; that they will mature to outlive their parents. Do these things seem unreasonable? Perhaps not, but I’ve had these expectations and they’ve disappointed me.
Having expectations that lead to disappointment is certainly not exclusive to parents. If you’ve worked in one place for a while, I bet you expect that you’ll get a raise and more vacation time. That might even be written into your hiring contract and feel like a sure thing. Yet I have more than one friend who had those “guarantees” unexpectedly pulled out from under them.
I remember when we found out that our sixth child was a boy and we decided on his name. In the Bible, Jeremiah was prophet when Josiah was King. So, it seemed right that our last child would be named Jeremiah when our first child was Josiah. They even shared a birthday, twelve years apart. It felt like our family was complete. I have a favorite picture from the day he was born. Josiah holds the baby and all the siblings are gathered around, admiring the newest addition. In that moment, I was full of expectations.
I could imagine how each “big” would mentor a “small.” And every kid had someone within two years of their age to play with. It really seemed like an optimal set-up for a large, happy family.
Three and a half months later when Jeremiah was suddenly gone from the earth, it was easy to wonder if God hadn't been paying attention. Surely this couldn't be His plan. Everything had been perfect! Couldn’t He see that? Of course, everything had NOT been perfect. That was an illusion. And illusions never last. They will always disappoint. Just like idols.
Now, I'm not talking about a golden statue or altar. The Bible defines idolatry as putting anything before God in our hearts. That's a lot easier to do than we like to think. It’s also harder to identify in ourselves than in others. We might be able to clearly see the idolatry of someone driven to make more money than they could ever spend; or to become more powerful than any one person should ever be. But our own idols are often hidden in a blind spot.
After years of reflection, I've come to understand that I'd made my "perfect family" an idol. The expectations that permeated our plans were the precursors to major disappointments.
The very first of the Ten Commandments is: You shall have no other gods before Me. (Exodus 20:3) Our gracious Heavenly Father knows that anything we set our hearts on, that isn't Him, will disappoint us, sooner or later.
Disappointment is like a rogue wave crashing onto us out of nowhere. We don't see it coming and the after-effects leave us stunned, crushed, our dreams broken into pieces. Proverbs 18:14 sounds like it was written in tears: "A man’s spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?"
God made us and knows us intimately. He gave us that first commandment because no created thing or person can bear the weight of our unreasonable “perfect world” expectations. His command is not to limit us or spoil our fun. It's to protect us from the inevitable, devastating disappointment of placing our worship anywhere but on His shoulders.
If you’ve been trusting in any thing or person on this earth to find your purpose or to keep you filled up with love, you are likely frustrated. The expectations that seem so reasonable will soon leave you disappointed, brokenhearted, crushed. But here’s the good news: it’s never too late to hand that thing over to God. That idolatry does not disqualify you from the relationship that you were made for. As Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
God is right there, patiently waiting for you to let go of all the expectations that are sure to bring despair. I know it’s scary to open those clenched fists and trust in His plan. But it is so worth it. Listen carefully and hear His whisper, “Cast all your anxiety on Me, for I care for you.” (I Peter 5:7) You were made to love and to be loved by your Heavenly Father. He is the only object of your devotion that will not disappoint.
So, are expectations ALWAYS wrong? Will they ALWAYS disappoint? Well, here’s a short list of promises that God has made to you and me. If you need peace, strength, love (and who doesn’t?) then THIS is the place to not be disappointed.
God will sustain you (Psalm 55:22)
God’s peace will guard your heart (Philippians 4:7)
God delights over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17)
God will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go. (Psalm 32:8)
God is your refuge and strength, your help in times of need. (Psalm 46:1)
In all things, you are more thana conqueror because God loves you. (Romans 8:37)
God will never leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
God’s perfect love casts out all your fear. (1 John 4:18)
Nothing can separate you from God’s love. (Romans 8:38-39)
God’s not done with you. (Philippians 1:6)
